Even before the mediums were introduced to Osho’s nightly darshan, I had a highly desirable front-row job there doing secretarial work that kept me continually on my mental toes. And of course it was a privilege and a delight to be there.
But to those one-off guests attending, being there was a really special occasion and always generated great anticipation.
There he [Osho] was, sitting in his G-Plan chair; the guest would be on the marble floor in front of him. And we workers who attended regularly, each with our special function, each had our own spot around them. His chief gardener called out the names; his caregiver handed out the malas; his secretary presided over any business that might come up during the interchange; his Darshan-Diary editor, sitting next to me, operated the tape recorder and made notes for the commentary she would later put into a book1; and one man sat close by to make sure no-one got too near Osho on account of his extreme allergies.
Right Brain – Left Brain
My role was continuous. I would be busy scribbling all kinds of information in my notepad: the new name he’d just given the guest and its meaning in English; the long list of [therapy] groups he might have suggested; the names of who on the list received a ‘going-away’ box or other gift; details about how those who had asked for a photo to be taken looked, so I could identify them the next day on a tiny black and white contact sheet…and so on.
Everything proceeded rapidly as guests were ushered forward one by one to take their spot in front of him, so all this required stringent focus. Notebook on my knee, forms to one side, box instructions on the other, I was scribbling away from one moment to the next.
That was all very well – deeply relaxing and beautifully encompassing at the same time.
But then Osho began using me as an energy vehicle.
Now a whole new dimension was disrupting my work flow… It meant jumping to my feet, scattering everything in one deft swish of my long robe… and sitting, kneeling, standing close to the guest, wherever he directed me, to be available for his energy.
Pictures exist of these wild three-dimensional human mandalas, which evolved and transformed considerably over the course of the two years I was a regular.
As this nightly shindig progressed, small groups of one or two expanded into complex formations of up to 15 participants. Riotous cacophonous music was introduced. Lights flashed on and off like a disco strobe. Arms were flying about, heads thrown back, sweat pouring as we flung ourselves in rhythmic sways and swings… All the while Osho transmitted energy that instantly generated outwards, moving rapidly from person to person like an electrical circuit in a chaotic, tumultuous, increasing revving- up of excitement…2
My own double job, rapid switches between energy work and secretarial work, proved to be an intoxicating learning adventure. When he called me up, in one fell swoop I had to shift from my mind-focused, left-brain paperwork to my heart-oriented, right-brain energy work. I had to be accessible, empty and utterly available to his energy, and then, as soon as it was over, go back to writing up the on-going material – a great pendulum swing from left brain to right.
While the work was in front of me, it demanded I stay centred and alert; yet while mediating his energy, I had to allow my mind to scatter and disperse.
The oddity of my dual job meant that where everyone else after darshan could wobble off into their own charmed universe, or gaze, stoned, into their lover’s eyes, I, despite being in an ecstatic no-mind space, had to go upstairs to my desk and write out the relevant information, which I then had to deliver to the front office. That meant that I was at my typewriter immediately after the huge waterfall of Osho’s energy.
The ZigZag Diaries
- And as a diary writer, I began to write….
- Here are some excerpts from the period:
Balloon cheeks, stuck words. Body puffed, pumped with air, with delight, liquid drunkenness. So much love, gladness, wanting to say, show…knowing no way.
The whole ashram energy is transformed. We are full of so much love, we can but stutter and mumble.
It is all wild and mysterious and divine.
We don’t know why we’re chosen. We don’t ask why we’re chosen. Just so grateful to be called, to be close, to be given this chance to transmute into a blossoming lotus.
He has said, “For the mediums especially, this will be your great meditation.”
It is, it is.
In darshan tonight…I passed out!
It’s been coming for days now, that incredible onrush in the body, rapid trembling and shaking and the head blanking out; so much on the verge. Tonight, there I was on the floor, darkness all around, [Osho] still in his seat, ‘Close-ups’ still happening, music piping away merrily…but Savita had passed out!
No one seemed to notice.
Tonight I was determined not to let the body go like that. Came slowly into position, watching the raising of my arms, the lifting of my head. ‘Watch how you get into it,’ he has said – my mantra of the moment.
Then his touch… And it’s never been such a marked rush from the first chakra, whizzing upwards, it shot up the way a beach ball would rise to the surface of the sea, farroom! sperlash!
Great rapture all over. Arms thighs fingers spine. Great laughter through the head.
Again, at his touch, the body could barely keep from collapsing. The vibration started at the knees and went out through the hands. A powerful, fever-like grip, and yet again it seemed I could collapse. Again the sweet scent of his hand on my face.
Afterwards the distortions came again, dancing in from the right, flashing rotating lights that during the lights-out filled up three quarters of the space behind my eyes.
I am aware how odd all this must sound. But I am helpless. If something must be said about it then this is the only way I can say it.
And so it continued for two years, night after night after night.
There is a lot more to the story of how it affected my life thereafter and how it ended, and you can read – along with 41 other people’s face-to-face moments with Osho – much more about this whole experience in my book, Encounters with an Inexplicable Man: Stories of Osho as Told by his People which is now available as an e-book and as a printed version.
1 See the book series The Darshan Diaries, which covered these nightly events over four or five years.
2 I have written more about my experience as an energy medium in my book, Encounters with an Inexplicable Man: Stories of Osho as Told by his People. And an account from a more detailed angle appears in Radha Luglio’s book, Tantra: A Way of Living and Loving.
Two Osho images of giving ‘sannyas’ and energy darshan – kindly reproduced from Osho News.